Kitchen Adventures: Brilliant Brioche

Happiness is a warm loaf of bread.

There is a reason why I will never lose weight in time for bikini season this year–it’s brioche. It’s buttery, light, melt-in-your-mouth goodness, and I just can’t get enough. Now that I know how to make it successfully, well, I can just kiss goodbye any chance of  shrinking my muffin top for good.

Over the holiday weekend, I finally carved out some time–and you do need plenty of time for this project–to make brioche from my favorite pastry book, Flour: Spectacular Recipes from Boston’s Flour Bakery + Cafe. I’ve made several waistline-busting batches of goodies from this book already, including Double Apple Pie, and all of them turned out swimmingly, so I expected no less from Joanne Chang’s brioche recipe.

As far as pastries go, brioche is sort of an odd duck in that it’s pastry-like bread. Or bread-like pastry, whichever you prefer. Apparently, the first recorded use of the word brioche was in 1404 (whoa!) but the origin of the word itself isn’t quite clear.

According to FoodTimeline.org, there are several theories, but my favorite is the one from Larousse Gastronomique, which says that brioche gets its name from Brie, since brioche was originally made with the famous cheese.  I like this idea best because my favorite Filipino pastry, ensaymada, is pretty much like brioche, except it’s topped with a thick, creamy, sugary frosting and shredded cheese. Fodder for a future kitchen adventure, perhaps?

The Philippines' answer to brioche. Via Recipes.Wikia.com

Another fun fact about brioche is that it’s tied to the infamous quote that’s often attributed to Marie-Antoinette. You know the one:  ”Let them eat cake!” In French, it translates to “”Qu’ils mangent de la brioche!” a quote that the French queen reportedly said after hearing about famines in the French countryside in pre-Revolutionary France. It’s long since been a phrase associated with callous insensitivity to the plight of the working class, but the sad part is, Marie Antoinette apparently didn’t say it.

Marie Antoinette lost her head for brioche in a bad way. (via Biography.com)

The quote actually appeared in Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s book Confessions, which came out when Marie Antoinette was only nine years old, and there’s no record that she said it herself during her reign. Of course, 18th-century folks didn’t have the Googles back then, so that fact didn’t help when the angry bourgeoisie stormed the castle and sent her to the guillotine (ouch). The misattribution still persists to this day though, even with the interwebs. C’est la vie, I suppose.

Anyway. I digress. The brioche-making experience was pretty fun. The process involves mixing the dough, letting it proof in the fridge overnight, dividing the batch in half, shaping each section into rectangles, folding them up and placing them in two loaf pans. After the dough has had enough time to rise, you brush the tops with an egg wash, pop them in the oven, and 35 minutes later, you’ve got yourself two loaves of heaven. Also, the buttery air in your house will smell so good, you’ll want to eat it.

I immediately sliced off several pieces, slathered on my mother-in-law’s amazing homemade raspberry preserves (made with fruit from her own raspberry patch in Minnesota!), made myself a cup of vanilla rooibos, and I was a happy girl. Guess who’s going to be eating brioche every morning this week?

Screw it. If I gain a little more of a belly because of this amazing treat, so be it. Anyway, French women don’t get fat, right? Does the same go for women who eat French food? One can only hope.

Laissez les Bonbons Rouler!

Mardi Gras cake balls. OH YES I DID.

In honor of the year’s most indulgent holiday, I present to you my latest creation, the Mardi Gras cake bonbon. Okay, fine, they’re cake balls, and they’re not exactly ground breaking, but they definitely fit Fat Tuesday’s “let’s throw the diet out the window for a day” requirement.

Inspired by a post for Mardi Gras cupcakes by fellow  blogger Sweet Pea’s Kitchen, I went about making the most bombtastic cake ball using the three colors that have become synonymous with the holiday: bold yellows, greens and purples. Up until yesterday I had no idea that the colors actually represented power (yellow/gold), justice (purple) and faith (green). I just thought it was a gaudy combination of whatever colors look appealing to drunk people partying in the street.

Anyhoo, now for the fun part: how to make these bad boys.  I used Bakerella’s recipe for Red Velvet Cake Balls as a template, with my own twists.

Laissez les Bonbons Rouler Cake Balls

1 box white cake mix (these usually call for eggs, oil and water, so have these on hand as well)
1 can store-bought white frosting
1 small bottle green food coloring/gel
1 small bottle yellow food coloring/gel
1 small bottle purple food coloring/gel (you can also combine red and blue dye and adjust to your liking)
1 12-oz bag green Wilton Candy Melts
1 12-oz bag purple Wilton Candy Melts
1 12-oz bag yellow Wilton Candy Melts

1) Prepare the white cake mix as directed on the box using a 13 inch by 9 inch baking pan. Cool to room temperature.

2) Once the cake is cooled, break off big chunks of it and crumble it between your hands into a big mixing bowl. Continue until the entire cake is crumbled, making sure there are no big chunks remaining.

3) Scoop 3/4 of the icing and mix it into the cake crumbles. Don’t use the entire can of frosting, as it will make it too sticky. Stir the frosting and cake until it gets a nice, light Play-Doh-like texture.

4) Divide the batter into three sections, placing two sections in two separate bowls and leaving the third section in the original large mixing bowl.

5) Add five drops of green dye to one bowl, and mix it in vigorously until thoroughly combined. Keep adding dye to achieve the shade of green you like.

6) Repeat step 5 with the other two bowls, using yellow and purple dyes respectively.

You should end up with this:

Now, time to make the balls.

7) Pinch off equal pieces of each color, stick them together, then roll the combined batter into a ball. Place ball on a cookie sheet. Repeat until all the batter is gone.

8) When finished, stick the cookie sheet in the fridge for at least an hour so the balls solidify a bit. In the meantime, prep a couple of extra cookie sheets lined with parchment paper for the candying process.

9) After the balls have chilled, put the green candy melts in a microwave-safe bowl and melt according to package directions. Once they’ve melted, place a cake ball in the candy, and spoon the candy over it until it’s completely covered. Lift the ball out of the bowl, and tap the spoon on the edge of the bowl to shake off excess candy coating.

10) Gently roll the ball onto the prepared cookie sheet. Don’t worry if candy pools around the ball, you can take a toothpick and draw a line to separate the excess candy coating from the rest of the ball.

11) Working quickly, repeat step 10 until half of the balls are coated with green.

12) Repeat steps 9-11 using the purple candy melts. Don’t worry if the balls aren’t perfectly smooth–mine weren’t but they turned out ok for a first-time attempt.

13) Once the balls have dried, melt half of the yellow candy melts and, using a fork, drizzle it slowly over the green and purple cake balls. Mine turned out kind of Jackson Pollack-y, but I kind of liked how they turned out.

Nom nom bon bons

14) Let them dry, then dig in!

Of course, this recipe can be customized in all sorts of ways. For instance, I wanted to bake in some bourbon, but, alas, had none on hand. You could use any combination of cake flavors, really. Go ahead, get creative. I know you want to.

The best part about this cake ball though is the fun surprise you get when you bite into it!

The colors, the colors!

Do you guys have any fun Mardi Gras recipes to share? What’s your favorite Fat Tuesday food to eat?

Happy Shrove Tuesday, everyone! Let the bonbons roll!

I’m Craving: Funky Fromage

Vive la stinky cheese! (by Palmino, via cheezburger.com)

I must confess: I’m very attracted to smelly foods. Durian, kimchi, bagoong, Époisses de Bourgogne, fish sauce, garlic–I will eat it all, and in vast quantities, if left to my own devices. Of course, I won’t eat these all at the same time, unless some genius chef comes up with a fabulous way to incorporate everything into one cohesive dish (hint hint, “Chopped” producers).

Unfortunately, not everyone shares my fascination with funk. Which is why it can be challenging when you’re working in an office environment and suddenly a craving for a  big, fat slice of smelly cheese hits you like a whiff of Limburger.

Usually, I’m very considerate when it comes to my lunch choices, but the other day, I couldn’t help myself. At lunchtime, I went in for a dentist appointment, which didn’t take as long as I expected. Left with some time to kill, I trotted across the street to Red White and Bleu, a local wine and gourmet shop that I’ve been meaning to check out for some time.

While they didn’t have any of my favorite cheese, Époisses, in stock, the owner, James, introduced me to two new pungent pals: Meadow Creek Dairy‘s Grayson and Grès des Vosges, an Alsatian cousin of Munster cheese (no, not Muenster, the stuff you find in grocery stores–the real stuff smells like feet and is made with raw cow’s milk and left to age in damp cellars). Munster smells so bad that I’ve seen reports that people call it “monster cheese.”

Both are soft, washed-rind cheeses, and both stink to high heaven, which is just how I like them. Grayson, a seasonal cheese named after the county where Meadow Creek Dairy is located, can only be described as having a rich, beefy and creamy taste, with the consistency of a thick fudge. Taste-wise, it’s sort of like a Taleggio. Fabulous. But, to be honest, it smells vaguely like that rotten odor that emanates from a tooth when a crown pops off,  along with a touch of manure.

The reeking Grayson (via Meadow Creek Dairy)

The Grès des Vosges, which comes nicely packaged with a pretty fern frond pressed into it, is also rich and creamy, but a little milder than the Grayson. So how does it smell? Janet Fletcher of the San Francisco Chronicle article would have you believe it’s a mix of “garlic, mushroom, barnyard and cultured milk,” but that’s just being polite. Personally, I smell a mix of yeasty belly button lint with a hint of fish sauce, but that’s just me.

I handed the cheese to Dr. J while his eyes were glued to the TV during the Timberwolves/Bobcats game, and, thinking it was a bar of soap from Lush, took a big whiff. His response: ”Gross. I thought I was going to be smelling something nice.”

Grès des Vosges--gross smell, grand flavor

Don’t my descriptions make you want to run out and drop some dimes on stinkcheeses? Like I said, the relationship between smell and taste is inversely proportional. The more gag-inducing the odor, the more gratifying the taste. I would buy these two cheeses again in a heartbeat.

Anyway. Returning to my point about malodorous foods and the office, I returned to the office with these two cheeses in hand, and, after opening the Grayson at my desk, I got self-conscious that my co-workers were going to throw up, so I stuck them in the communal fridge. Then, of course, I became paranoid that the cheeses were going to stink that up, so I left work a bit early to keep the smelliness to myself.

I stopped at a grocery store to pick up a few things, leaving the cheese in the car for about an hour, and, well, word to the wise–leaving two pungent cheeses in a closed space for a longish period of time is ill advised. That was a bad choice.

Have you ever tried a stinky cheese? If so, did you enjoy it? What did it taste like?  Feel free to get creative describing how bad they smelled–that’s half the fun when it comes to writing about cheese.

To paraphrase the great Andrew Zimmern, “if it smells bad, eat it!”*

*applicable only to stinking cheeses, not other foods. Actually, this is kind of bad advice out of context.

V-Day Sweet Treats

Break me off a piece of that...

Roses may die and diamonds may be forever–but a box full of exotic Kit Kats  is a Valentine’s Day gift that just keeps on giving. My good friend and fellow blogger Ilene just returned from an epic trip to Taiwan and Japan, and had blogged about the crazy Kit Kat flavors you’ll find there, including green tea, purple sweet potato, red bean, wasabi and even soy sauce. (Incidentally, soy sauce is the most popular flavor in Japan. I guess there’s a reason why the word “umami” is Japanese, right?)

She went on a massive hunt throughout Tokyo to find the Holy Grail of Kit Kat stores, and finally found it in the Tokyo Central metro station, of all places. Apparently there are more than 200 flavors out there, mostly found in Japan. Check out her adventures here.

She must have known that I was drooling over my laptop, because she sent me a cute box chock full of treats for Valentine’s Day. (Thanks, Ilene!)

The flavors, counter clockwise from the lower left: strawberry, blueberry cheesecake, almond tofu, red bean sandwich, green tea, orange, strawberry cheesecake and cantaloupe. Yum!

I can’t tell you exactly how they all taste just yet, mainly because I enjoy just looking at them. Plus, the sooner I start chowing down, the sooner they will all go away Such is the dilemma of the average food lover, I suppose.

And I’d imagine it’s the same dilemma that most Kit Kat collectors have as well–apparently, there are some people who make it a hobby to collect these things. There’s even an entire blog dedicated to the exotic Kit Kat. Now that’s a hobby I can get behind. If only Nestle would start distributing these crazy flavors here in the States. Come on, Japan, share the wealth, will ya?

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

In the News: The Best Commercial I’ve Seen This Year

 

I’m not usually one to buy into TV ads for fast food chains, but this Chipotle commercial that stole the show last night during the Grammys had some people getting a little blubbery over burritos. It was a deadly combination of adorable animation, heart string-tugging storyline and an amazing cover of Coldplay’s “The Scientist” by Willie Nelson. The ad actually came out last year, but last night, it really started turning heads, not just because it’s a damn good commercial, but also because it aired right after Coldplay’s ho-hum live performance. Awwwkwarrrrd.

At first, I was skeptical about the company’s message–no way they’re really going back to small, family-owned farms, and isn’t Chipotle owned by McDonald’s anyway?–a reaction that I’m sure a lot of people had. While it’s true that Chipotle and McDonald’s were once BFFs, they parted ways in 2006, but apparently people still associate the two together. (This CafeMom.com blog post from last year explains it all.)

After researching Chipotle  a little,  it certainly looks like the chain is doing more to ensure an ethical food supply than its competitors. But no matter what you think about Chipotle, there’s no denying that this is one damn good commercial. Sit back and enjoy.

 

 

I’m Craving: Half Moons

Behold the half moons

Yesterday, I was back in my old stomping grounds of Somerville, MA, getting my braces removed (yay!), and, knowing it would be a good long while before I’d be able to visit the Beantown area, I made it a point to visit all my favorite haunts, most of which happen to sell food. Naturally.

At the top of my list was a visit to Lyndell’s, a neighborhood bakery that’s been in business since 1887.

 

The best little bakery in Somerville

 

You won’t find super fancy-pants pastries here, but you will find arguably the best half-moons in the greater Boston area. But wait a minute, you say. Aren’t these black and whites?

Yes, they are, but only if you’re a New Yorker. These little guys go by a host of different names depending on where you live: “half moons” and “half and halfs” in upstate New York and throughout New England, “Amerikaners” in Germany, and the dubious-sounding “kyon cookie,” which is the name they supposedly use on the “eastern coast region of North America.” Which is…where exactly? I’m not sure. Something tells me someone named Kyon decided to edit this Wikipedia entry to mislead the masses.

Unlike black-and-whites, though, half moons are smaller and less cookie-like, featuring a round, golden cake topped with half chocolate icing and half white vanilla icing. Lyndell’s “Moon Madness” line comes in six combinations, mixing and matching yellow and chocolate case cake bases with half-and-half, chocolate and white icing.

When Dr. J and I lived in the area, our love for this cake knew no bounds. Often, we would have a couple for after-dinner dessert, then have a couple more for breakfast the next day.  Once, we even ran through a torrential downpour from the bakery to our apartment with a box of half moons under my jacket.

I can’t say what exactly I love about them–it could be the velvety yellow cake base, it could be the thick, so-bad-yet-so-good frosting on top. Or it could be the good memories I’ve had sharing them with Dr. J. Might be a combination of all of the above.

Yesterday marked a new level of devotion to the half-moon. I had a bunch of appointments during the day before catching a flight home in the evening, so the only time I could grab some half moons was in the morning, which meant I had to lug around a dozen cakes in two bulky boxes all day.

I would say they weighed about 5 pounds altogether, which, okay, is not THAT heavy, but it gets tiresome when you’re constantly on the go and you’ve already got a fairly heavy backpack on. I schlepped those suckers 455 miles from the bakery to my house in Arlington, VA. If that’s not a testament to how much Dr. J and I miss these things, I don’t know what is.

The best part, though, is that I’m supposed to see my orthodontist in Somerville for a follow up appointment in three months, so once we run out of half moons here in Arlington, I’ll be able to re-up on our stash. In the meantime, if you ever find yourself in the Ball Square/Tufts University area, give Lyndell’s some love!

Kitchen Adventures: Keen on Quinoa

The grain with the funny name

On my newly-vegan colleague/friend Mr. Smith’s recommendation, I picked up a box of quinoa at Trader Joe’s last weekend, just to see what the fuss is all about. Everyone keeps telling me how awesome this stuff is–not only in terms of taste, but also in terms of health benefits, and after actually trying it and reading up on it, I can confidently say that quinoa is going to be a mainstay on my pantry shelf.

Let’s just get one thing out of the way first. “Quinoa” can be pronunced KEEN-wah, or kee-NO-ah, depending on who you talk to, and its name borrows from the Spanish spelling of the Quechua word kinwa. Apparently, the Incas were the first to revere quinoa as a supergrain, but the Spanish all but banned its cultivation, essentially calling it a heathen food.In fact, growing it was punishable by death under Spanish colonial rule. I know Spaniards are partial to their paella, but damn, Gina! No need to go around killing people for growing a plant!

Things didn’t look so hot for this ancient grain until some clever folks in the Colorado Rockies region started growing and selling it commercially in the 1980s. It’s enjoyed a resurgence in popularity not only among the health food set, but also mainstream consumers, thanks to the grain’s status as a “superfood.”

What’s so super about quinoa is that it has a balanced set of amino acids, and has more protein than its other grainy friends–about 12 percent to 20 percent. It’s also gluten-free, easy to digest, and has tons of fiber and phosphorus (which helps bone growth and cell/tissue repair), as well as magnesium and iron.

And here’s an added bonus–it’s one of the superfoods that supposedly give you the most bang for your buck, according to this article by personal finance site LearnVest.

It’s also easy to cook, as I learned last night when I decided to give it a go. All you need to do is dump in 1 part quinoa to 2 parts liquid (I used chicken stock, but you can use water or another kind of broth), cover it, and let it simmer for 15 minutes or so. The result is a fluffy pile of curlicued grains that have a distinct nutty smell. It’s also versatile–you can pretty much add any kind of veggie to the quinoa while it’s cooking to add some palate-pleasing interest.

One thing I learned, though, is that you really have to rinse off the quinoa before doing anything with it, because the grains have a bitter saponin coating. My quinoa didn’t turn out very bitter, but I could definitely smell it a bit.

For those who are curious, I was going to take a picture of my crimini mushroom and shallot quinoa pilaf, but Dr. J and I ate it so fast, I forgot to snap a shot. Oops. It was scrumptious. For reference, you can find the recipe here on Food Network.

This is what it more or less looked like, though:

Yum! (via Food Network)

Word to the wise–quinoa wreaks havoc on your braces. I had some last night and I’m still finding bits and pieces hiding in brackets and rubber bands even after a few thorough brushings. (TMI, I know, but I serve to inform.)

Of course, that won’t be a problem for me much longer, since tomorrow I’m finally getting these braces off! No more post-adjustment meals of mashed potatoes, ice cream and macaroni and cheese–no more  incessant picking and brushing of the teeth. It sort of feels like I’m getting out of jail or something.  Naturally, I’m planning on eating as much caramel, pizza crusts, nuts and popcorn as humanly possible following my debanding appointment.

Watch out! Foodzilla is on the loose!

Book It: SF Ice Cream Double Header

I'm going to have fun with my ice cream maker this April.

I think the cookbook publishing world is conspiring against me and all the other broke-as-a-joke sweets enthusiasts out there. Why else would they tempt us with the back-to-back releases of recipe books from two of San Francisco’s best ice creameries?

Once upon a time, Dr. J and I lived in Palo Alto, about 40 minutes south of San Francisco, and summers inevitably meant afternoon jaunts to the city for a scoop of ice cream. I know, I know–you’re thinking, Damn, is Palo Alto that hard up for a decent ice cream shop? Why would you drive 30 miles just for a scoop?

Well, if you’ve never had ice cream in San Francisco, well, you’ve never truly lived, my friend. San Francisco has a reputation for its world-class food culture for a reason–everything is not only fresh, but innovative, and those qualities shine through especially well in its ice cream.

You’ll always find lines out the door at Bi-Rite Creamery and Humphry Solcombe, so it was only a matter of time before both of them came out with their own recipe books. I haven’t personally seen any advance copies yet, but I can imagine what will be in store for each.

Both creameries are located in the Mission District, but both have very different reputations. Bi-Rite Creamery, for example, has a family-friendly feel, and uses organic milk from Straus Family Creamery, the only certified organic dairy west of the Mississippi, and flavors include Earl Grey, meyer lemon, orange cardamom, roasted banana, honey lavender, ginger and the bestselling salted caramel. I’ve had the latter two, and let me tell you–they are ahhh-mazing.

But if Bi-Rite Creamery is Sesame Street, Humphry Slocombe definitely skews toward Avenue Q–it’s an ice cream playground for adults with such sophisticated combinations as green tea and black sesame, Blue Bottle Vietnamese coffee, pink grapefruit tarragon and Andante chevre and strawberry jam. And let’s not forget the really fun, boozy flavors, including butter beer, Russian Imperial stout, Guinness gingerbread, Luna Blanca ale, and my personal favorite, Secret Breakfast, which is bourbon with cornflakes. I wonder whether it’s possible for someone to get a nice buzz from ice cream?

I guess I’ll have to wait until April to find out, when Humphry Slocombe Ice Cream Book and Bi-Rite’s Sweet Cream and Sugar Cones are finally released. Until then, I’ll start socking away some cash to spend on these books and to buy ingredients to follow the fabulous recipes I’m sure they contain!

Check, Please: Ray’s Hell Burger

Building up diplomatic relations, one burger at a time.

Living in the DC area is a lot like living in Hollywood–sometimes you go about your business secretly hoping you’ll catch a glimpse of a famous person who is rumored to be in a nearby area at a certain time on a certain day. Except that famous person happens to be the freakin’ leader of the free world.

Today, some of my co-workers and I headed over to Ray’s Hell Burger in Arlington, which was made famous back in 2009 when President Obama and Vice President Biden grabbed lunch there, and again in 2010 when Obama brought Russian president Dmitry Medvedev to introduce him to our fine American cuisine. Because, you know, nothing says “Welcome to America” better than stuffing your face with a gigantic slab of  juicy beef drowning in cheese, produce and sauce.

Incidentally, Obama was scheduled to deliver a speech about the economy at a fire station near Dr. J’s office today as well, so I was secretly hoping that maybe he’d drop in on his favorite burger joint after the event while we were still there.

No such luck, at least not today. But the experience was kickass nonetheless. I hadn’t eaten much all morning to prepare my stomach for the massive feast that was to come, so I was about ready to pass out while waiting for my burger and fries. When it finally arrived, however, I nearly passed out again–but for a different reason:

Behold the Dogcatcher burger, complete with roasted bone marrow. ::cue angel chorus::

That, my friends, is Ray’s Dogcatcher burger with–wait for it–roasted bone marrow. OH YES I DID.

I’ve never thought of putting bone marrow in a burger, so when I saw it on the menu, it had to be mine. Granted, not everyone will agree with me on the bone marrow thing–I think it’s an acquired taste, much like foie gras, mainly because it’s basically pure fat. Meat butter, if you will.

The burger was pretty simple–1/3 pound of aged ground steak, house-made potato roll, lettuce and tomato, no additional sauce or condiments–but once I spread that rich, beefy goodness all over the burger, it was pure heaven. It adds this amazing unctuousness to the burger that immediately elevated me to Burger Nirvana. I was a happy girl, even though I could feel my skinny jeans get tighter with every bite. (Note to self: Do not wear skinny jeans to Ray’s Hell Burger. Period.)

No way this combination can be legal.

For those who have never tried bone marrow or are afraid of it because it just seems plain unnatural, you might be interested to know that First Nations peoples in Canada actually prize the bone marrow of caribou and moose over their muscle meat. Read up on it here on Cheeseslave.com,  a blog about all the rich, fatty delicious things that make life worth living.

And if you’re ever in the Arlington area, give Ray’s Hell Burger a spin. Chances are you won’t meet the president, but you will probably meet a burger you won’t soon forget.

Have a happy–and delicious–weekend, everyone!

Happy Groundhog Day!

America, you just got Punx'd. (via msnbcmedia.msn.com)

The town of Punxsutawney, PA, rose early this morning to see what its most famous resident had to say about the weather over the next six weeks, but I was more interested in two other questions: What does Punxsutawney Phil eat, and, more important, how do groundhogs taste?

You would think a groundhog would eat what it’s supposed to–grass, dandelion and clover. But in true American form, Punxsutawney Phil reportedly feasts on dog food and ice cream throughout the year. No wonder he weighs around 15 pounds! (In the wild, they average in weight from 4 to 9 pounds.) Chunky little chucker, isn’t he?

Apparently, of the 115 recorded predictions he’s made so far, Phil has predicted an early summer only 15 times. What do you want to bet his main motivation for presaging longer winters is having an excuse to go back to his warm burrow and continue pigging out?

If I were to ever have my pick of groundhogs to eat, I’d probably steer clear of Phil, not only because he’s famous, but also because he’s a lardo. After all, you are what you eat, right?

A cursory Google search–yes, my research methods are exacting–led me to an interesting website, appropriately named UShotStuff.com,  that says groundhogs are considered dark meat and have a mild flavor, and can be used as substitutes in rabbit and squirrel (!) dishes. Note the non-PC recipes on the site, as well as the Comic Sans font.

Here’s one random yet delicious-sounding recipe from the North Carolina State University Cooperative Extension website. I’m not entirely sure what NCSU has to do with woodchuck recipes, though. One can only imagine.

Groundhog Pie

1 woodchuck, skinned and cleaned
1/4 cup onion
1/4 cup green pepper
1/2 tbsp minced parsley
1 tbsp. salt
1/8 tsp. pepper
4 1/2 tbsp. flour
3 cups broth

Biscuits:
1 cup flour
2 tbsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
2 tbsp. fat
1/4 cup milk

Cut woodchuck into 2 or 3 pieces. Parboil for 1 hour. Remove meat from bones in large pieces. Add onion, green pepper, parsley, salt, pepper, and flour to the broth and srit until it thickens. If the broth does not measure 3 cups, add water. Add the meat to the broth mixture and stir thoroughly. Pour into baking dish.

For biscuits: sift flour, baking powder, and salt together. Cut in the fat and add the liquid. Stir until the dry ingredients are moist. Roll only enough to make it fit the dish. Place dough on top of meat, put in a hot oven (400 degrees F.) and bake 30 to 40 minutes or until dough is browned. Serves 6-8.

It’s doubtful that you’ll find 80/20 ground woodchuck chuck at your local Whole Foods, but I’m sure you can find someone out there who would be willing to supply you with unwanted groundhogs that have eaten prize vegetable gardens en masse. Craigslist would probably be your best bet, judging by this post for free groundhog meat that was posted in 2009.

Some words of wisdom for those brave enough to experiment with woodchuck meat:

“Please be assured that the groundhog roast
Is not a new invention;
Its fame, now reaching coast to coast
Is worth a cook’s attention
A Punsx’y chef will say it’s good,
And willingly he shares it,
But Woodchuck, like all other food,
Depends on who prepares it.”

–Cooking with the Groundhog (1958)

And, finally, what Chow Bella post would be complete without a somewhat related, somewhat random YouTube video? Hope everyone has a happy Whistle Pig Day!